Over the last couple of weeks I have noticed a slight sting in my
heart as I looked through the beautifully normal albums of friends back
home. The other night, those
slight stings boiled over into an idol-exposing mess. “I feel like everything I am is gone. Everything and everyone is moving
on. I don’t like looking at my old
life without myself in it. I
feel like I left who I was behind!“
Hearing myself
say that was pretty scary. I was slapped in the face with the reality of where
my value had been placed. I was so
ashamed. As God graciously exposed
my heart that night, he also graciously gave me Shan and Aaron to help encourage
me. Shan said “Thank God that we
don’t have those things to hide behind anymore, Steph. All our eggs are in one basket, and
that is in Christ ALONE.”
I thank God that I can’t hide behind titles, friendships,
status, starbucks, fashion, family, busyness, self-inflicted busyness, work, lunch-dates with friends,
favorite t.v shows, etc. I thank
Him for the silence and for the loneliness that beckon me to answer…Is HE
really enough in my life? All
those things listed are a mirage of happiness and hope. HE, JESUS, is the rock that we are all
longing for.
Is Christ really enough in my life? Oh, how I can talk the talk but it gets
serious really quick when I actually attempt to live that way. I pray that I can start believing and
living in the following manner…“Gospel-saturation people are those who give
everything they have because they realize that, in Christ, they already have
everything they need.”
As Tullian Tchividjian so eloquently put it in the
incredible book Jesus + Nothing= Everything: “You don’t want your old life back, it’s your old idols you
want back, and I (Jesus) love you too much to give them back to you.” Thank you, Lord for the absence
of my “old life” that so easily hid my idolatry! I am broken and humbled to realize how I TRIED to find my
identity and joy in things and people other than YOU. I, Stephanie Boon, am a child of God. Rescued, loved, and hidden in
Christ. That is everything.
Colossians 3:1-4 If then you have
been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is,
seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are
on earth. 3 For you have
died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your
life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Such good thoughts! Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful Steph. And just think how your girls will not have to be exposed to those same idols that hold so many of us captive. So excited for the life God has laid before you.
ReplyDeleteI completely get it! I struggle with that so much, knowing that life goes on without us and no matter how much we try to keep in contact with everyone, it will never be the same. Even when we return, we have fun, we love, we reconnect, but the hard truth is, we are no longer a part of the daily happenings, so it changes the relationships. Don't get me wrong, it is still good and we still enjoy our time with them, but it is lonely feeling like you are on the outside looking in. Thank you for your insight and allowing the Holy Spirit to help me learn the same lesson. Even after 10 years in Africa, I still struggle with this and need to get my focus back where it needs to be. Love you my friend!
ReplyDeleteI've come back to read this from time to time. What a great God we serve, Steph. How important a reminder for me to keep my focus on the things above instead of becoming overwhelmed by my selfish fears and desires. I pray for His peace to fill your spirit.
ReplyDelete