First, I need to say that I should know by now not to speak of tomorrow with certainty, especially living in Africa. Not that any of you were sitting on the edge of your seats, but I do feel compelled to address my broken promise last month of daily updates of our past year here. In my defense the two days following that empty promise I found myself in the village with no internet and upon arrival home I had a very sick little baby that needed to be taken to the hospital. That ordeal lasted 4 days and when we finally got back home I was tired and felt too defeated to begin what I sought out to do. So...here's to trying it again after next year! ;)
On a completely different note I wanted to add something on here concerning questions that I have received quite frequently since moving here. There are a lot of friends and family who, quite frankly, think we are crazy, unable to understand why we would bring our family here to Tanzania. Those who do understand, have asked questions like:
"How do you do it?"
"How do you trust God with your safety...your children in a foreign place. I know that there are Bible verses that answer these questions... But you and Aaron are living it." OR the one that makes me want to hide in shame..."You are such a good person."
The questions have come in different forms, but my answer is always similar and goes something like what I wrote to this friend...
"Every day is done by the grace of God. You have no idea how selfish my heart really is. Even here I struggle with wanting things, being selfish with my time, loving this world and myself more than our Lord. It is a DAILY battle and it is a DAILY surrender. A daily surrender to give all that I have to the Lord, body and mind and heart. It's also a daily abiding in Him and His Word to change and renew me.
Also, practically being out of the States changes you so much. Being away from all the consumerism and businesses makes you hate the way you lived before and never want it again. This life here is harder, but in a weird way it's easier because here we aren't as likely to distract ourselves and busy ourselves away from Christ.
The truth is...no matter where we are in the world, there is sin. It manifests itself in very different ways...but we all have selfishness and wickedness in our hearts. The ONLY lasting and complete joy and the only redemption from ourselves and our sin is JESUS.
Even after we accept Jesus as our Savior, being fully and forever redeemed, we fail daily and have such a natural bent toward worshiping ourselves and our idols and not God. It's who we are, from the first time sin entered the earth in the Garden of Eden sin became our worst enemy.
So, I'm understanding this harsh truth more and more about myself (seems like you are too ). The remedy is not beating yourself up or getting depressed about our fallen condition (even though I yearn for heaven where I won't have to battle my flesh and my sin-bent heart). Beating yourself up only continues the focus inward and on yourself. Repent daily and then lay it all at the cross where it has already been paid, and then run towards the Grace that our Lord has offered, knowing that HIS mercy is new every morning and HE is our faithful Father who will grant us the faith we need to live a life that honors HIM.
I could go on and on but I would highly recommend the book "Jesus + Nothing = Everything". I read it right before we moved here and I literally think it might have saved me from giving up.
P.S. I know that boredom in life you speak of...I had it so much. It's b/c we were made for and redeemed for something more than ourselves. I miss my family more than I can stand sometimes, but a life laid down for Christ is truly the greatest joy anyone can have. It's a peace and a thrill to give our measly, short lives to share the gospel with people who have never heard."
No, I'm not here because I am a good person. I am here because God uses even the weak people for HIS glory and HIS purpose.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10...“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
