That awful moment when every emotion I have tried so adamantly to hide comes crashing down. It all hits me. We are leaving…leaving everything we know: our home, everything familiar, everything dear, everything easy and American…my family.

Here’s a true confession-last night, for first time, I looked at my husband, Aaron and said, “I don’t think I can do this.”

I had just spent the entire evening watching my girls and each of their cousins fill the house with so much love and laughter and joy. “How can we leave this? How can we leave them? What are we doing? Are we making the worst mistake of our lives?”

To most people, the answer to those questions is…a big YES. It’s the absolute worst mistake of our lives to leave this blessed family and life behind to enter into an unfamiliar, unstable, foreign, Muslim nation with which we can count the number of people we know on one hand. From an earthly (logical) perspective it is pure insanity to do this.

Or…it’s the greatest gift of our lives that God would allow us, often faithless and fearful; to be used in His magnificent plan to share the greatest news of His love and grace to those who have never heard!

I have a feeling that a lot of us have that similar tension between our flesh (what makes sense) and faith. Following our Lord when it doesn’t make sense, when it hurts, when the world laughs or disapproves, when you’re scared…when all you have IS HIM to rely upon.
Last night, as my husband held me and we prayed together for strength, for comfort and wisdom, we cried out for God to grant us more of that faith.

::Faith like Moses when God asked him to lead an impossible journey across the Red Sea.
::Faith like Hannah as she left her only son behind in obedience to the Lord and prayed “There is none holy like the LORD: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.”
::Faith like Joshua leading a “seemingly” impossible battle to Jericho
::Faith like Joseph, Abraham, Daniel, Rahab, Ruth, and David…
::Faith that looks past what lies behind, what fears lie ahead and only to GOD.

So, now in my weakness and fear…all I can do is pray for a heart that remains faithful through what seems impossible. I want faith like what is described below in Hebrews 11…

13 These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14 For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15 If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

For those reading and now struggling with your own fear…yes, we ARE still going. ☺ Through God’s immeasurable grace He is granting us the faith needed to press on into this journey He has called us. Though my flesh is fearful and lacking in faith, our God…the creator of the universe..IS MY HELP!
"...Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith"