I Am Going Stop Being a Grief Forecaster…

I Am Going Stop Being a Grief Forecaster…

As we traveled ALL around the states I have had a very hidden fear. This is a fear that only my husband and God have known about…until now. I have a, sometimes paralyzing, fear of my family being killed in a car crash. I am ashamed to admit how much this fear has consumed my mind.

I sit in the passengers seat and watch each semi-truck and think “at any moment this truck could come over and crush us.” I even play out in my mind what the chain reaction of that blow from the semi would be…”would we swerve into the other lane and be struck by the Suburban behind us?” “If we go into the ditch…would our car flip?” “If the car catches fire…could we get all of our girls out in time?” The list goes on and on. I know…I’m a morbid thinker! I never realized how much I had been dwelling on and consumed by this fear until last week.

We were driving from a church on Sunday afternoon. Our speedometer and gages have been messed up for about a month or so now. It pretty much says we are always going 10 mph. (Don’t worry, we have our gps that gages our actual speed limit). Anyway, we didn’t realize that this was affecting another part of our dash…the gas gage. Needless to say, we ran out of gas. On a busy highway. My biggest fear was unveiling itself. I thought…”this is it…we are about to get slammed into by one of these semi-trucks zooming by us at 70 mph.” I would be ashamed if anyone had a window into how I reacted! It was appalling…just ask my husband. On second thought, don’t ask him.

As God’s extraordinary grace works…he exposed my heart right then and there. The very same God that I have surrendered my life to, my time to, my family to, I wasn’t trusting. I’m an African missionary for crying out loud…where is my faith???

“If my life is once surrendered, all is well. Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril in His hand but would be safer in mine” Ellizabeth Elliot

Why do I think it is my business to pry into what God has for tomorrow…or even in the next moments. It is not. My future, the safety of my family, my health, my time on earth is all in the hands of our sovereign and loving God. I will choose to stop my attempt to grab a hold of what never belonged to me…tomorrow.

READ Matthew 6:25-34 and think about what you are trying to grab back from God. Repent. Receive Grace. Choose radical reliance on God.